Who Do You Trust?
Friends!
I want to talk about trust.
I don't think we talk about it enough, and I fear that we are starting to lose our natural human instinct to assume innocence and happily extend trust. Distrust is a learned behavior, one that rears its ugly head in most of us at some point between childhood and adulthood.
We are nothing without trust. It is the mechanism that binds all human connection within ourselves, within our families, and within our communities. Like the oxygen in our blood and food in our bodies, trust is essential to our every movement on this earth. It is perhaps the most essential ingredient for any society to function well. We can think of trust as a lubricant in a machine. When trust is very high, tensions are low. It makes relationships easier, smoother, faster, more enjoyable, and more imaginative. There are fewer barriers. When trust is low, friction is high. Everything is slow. No one dares to take risks out of fear to be shot down. There are squeaky joints everywhere. Loud, disruptive, and causing natural flows to stop entirely. More and more, we see enemies in other people, rather than collaborators and partners. Without trust, our social machine is motionless.
I read a wonderful article by our former Secretary of State under President Ronald Reagan, George Shultz, who turned 100 years old recently. He said this about trust:
"Trust is the coin of the realm. When trust was in the room, whatever room that was — the family room, the schoolroom, the locker room, the office room, the government room or the military room — good things happened. When trust was not in the room, good things did not happen. Everything else is details."
Look at this graph below:
Please don't focus so much on who made the study (Pew Research) or what the absolutes are. Take the graph figuratively, not literally. Trust the big picture. This one is about trust during recent presidencies, and except for a 9/11 spike, trust is in decline. But no matter study you read, trust is waning. To use economic terms, we are in a recession. We desperately need a stimulus package for trust. And the good news is, it’s not about money.
Trust is a two-way street. I fear that we have arrived at a place where the balance in our trust account is so low that we start any conversation with a deficit. We almost instinctively and automatically don't trust people – regardless of what they are trying to say or do. This happens even if we have no reason or evidence for doubt. Too many business transactions are steeped in so many legal clauses supposedly designed to “protect” us, but in fact, cause far greater harm. They insert distrust from the get-go. When someone comes to the table with the “wrong” label, party, or affiliation, too many people automatically don’t trust whatever they are going to represent, even if their track record demonstrates otherwise. People are guilty by association and therefore are not to be trusted. What happened with “the presumption of innocence,” which is such a foundational principle in our legal operating system. Maya Angelou famously said: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” She is right. Let’s err on the side of trust.
I believe that setting high expectations for ourselves and others is integral to a successful life. To a large extent, we are shaped by our inner geography of beliefs. When teachers expect more from their students, they perform better. The same is true with parents. When expectations are low, so are the outcomes. I believe the same is true for trust. As my friend, Dov Seidman often says: "Trust is the only legal performance-enhancing drug." We can all benefit from a heightened sense of trust.
Robert Greenleaf's 1997 classic, Servant Leadership, remains one of the most powerful books I have read about leadership. In it, he talks about the importance of what we expect. Though his example revolves around business, I think the same holds true for trust more generally. He says:
“Having said all of this, I recognize the problem of so much of business not serving well. But the core of the problem, as I see it, is not in business institutions; rather, it is in the attitudes, concepts, and expectations regarding business held by the rest of society. People in churches, universities, government, and social agencies do not love business institutions. As a consequence, many inside business do not love them either. Businesses, despite their crassness, occasional corruption, and unloveliness, must be loved if they are to serve us better.”
— ROBERT GREENLEAF
So, like with most things, it begins with us. Our own attitude. If we want to live in a better world, a good start is for each of us to expect better. Believe in better. Look for better.
There are so many inspiring and hopeful stories of trust to turn towards. From today's courageous front-line workers sacrificing their own health to help save the lives of others, to stories of peace corps workers, military personnel, and law enforcement serving their communities. So, as we turn the page of this dreadful year, I am going to invest more time, energy, and attention on trust. I am going to trust more people more often. I am going to resist my lawyers who insist on adding too much language of distrust. I am going to take more risks believing in people. I am convinced that more trust will lead to more beautiful things. The more trust we show, the more we will receive. Trust is like compounding interest. It grows over time if we invest in it.
Will you join me?
I trust you.
Some inspirations this week, mainly on trust:
George Shultz's article where he celebrates his 100th birthday with reflections on trust. This reminded me of an important lesson: we should all listen to older wiser people.
Dov Seidman was interviewed about trust in this NYT column by Thomas Friedman
Bret Stephens’ article here (where I found the article by George Shultz)
A long and really insightful Atlantic article on trust by David Brooks (with lots of links for those who want to go deeper on trust.)
I found this summary of the last 40 Podcast interviews that Fortune has done with various business leaders quite hopeful. It's important to listen to the good news, too.
Frances Frei, Professor at Harvard Business School, gave a good TED talk on Trust a few years ago. It's insightful, hopeful, and funny!
Merry Christmas. Joyeux Noël. Feliz Navidad. God Jul. Frohe Weinachten. Buon Natale. 聖誕快樂
