The Power of the Other Side
Friends,
This week, I’ve been viewing the world through the lens of opposites. By definition, they exist in relation to one another. Sadly, our world is so deeply consumed with identity politics, division, binary thinking, and polarity that we are too quick to run to one side. It is vitally important that we upgrade our love, understanding, and appreciation for dissent and productive discourse. Without friction, there is no spark. Trees grow stronger where there is more wind. Muscles grow under strain. We can’t appreciate light without darkness or music without silence. It is in the midst of juxtapositions where growth and beauty happen. We know that, but we often forget it. We must amend our relationship with conflict.
In our quest for simple explanations, we reduce complexity too far. The texture of truth gets lost in translation. The richness of reality gets abridged to fit the media or the messenger. In doing so, we all lose.
I’ve been searching for ways to broaden my own perspectives. I was inspired by a short podcast by Brené Brown (referenced below) that laid out some great examples.
Let me start with purpose: I am in love with the idea of purpose. To me, the ultimate gift in life occurs when you step into an idea that is bigger than yourself. It puts you, and your life’s work, in perspective. It confers meaning. It acts as a filter for what NOT to work on. It attracts people with similar values which, in and of itself, is invaluable. The list is long. To this day, I am enamored by my own chosen purpose, which I was lucky to find at a relatively young age. It’s also asymptotic – you will never be done. That’s the thing about being aligned with a higher purpose: you know you can’t finish it, nor can you stop working towards it. You retire from a job. But never from a purpose. Another beautiful contradiction.
However, as with any other work in this life, there is fatigue. I also need rest – we all do. I need to sharpen my saw. As Brené so beautifully says in her podcast: “We can’t fight on no energy, we can’t fight for love unless we’re experiencing it, we can’t fight for joy unless we know joy”. My purpose guides me in life, but I must also exist outside of it. It’s something I have been practicing. Just doing things for the sake of doing them. Fortunately, I have music. Playing with my band affords me moments of stillness and reflection. I love playing with friends and family, just singing along to popular songs together. Watching my grandkids has become another exercise in existing in the moment. Appreciating what we have is just as important as working towards a better future.
Over the years, the scope of my vision has broadened in this way. It’s afforded me a more expanded worldview. We must resist the urge to narrow ourselves in favor of a one-sided explanation of reality. I believe firmly in a "BOTH/AND" outlook on life, rather than "EITHER/OR". I want to approach the things in my life without purpose with the same passion and vigor I bring to my purpose-driven work. The best things in life are reinforced by the opposites and live most vibrantly in contradiction to each other: I believe that tension creates the essential conditions for progress. I can be a capitalist in love with business, while also being a concerned capitalist who spends my life trying to understand and redesign a new form of business, one that is more human, better serving, and more sustainable. We can all wear many hats. I can (and I am) in favor of healthier food, but at the same time, I occasionally enjoy some really unhealthy foods. But somehow, existing on both sides of a continuum means, for too many people, that you can’t be taken seriously. One nulls the other. A binary worldview is more life in a mode of subtraction rather than addition. I prefer addition. If we were to be more comfortable and celebrate opposite, the world would be a richer, better, and more human place.
In Brené’s podcast, she speaks about RBG and her famous quote on dissent. It’s another great example of the importance of opposites. RBG said: “Dissents speak to a future age. It’s not simply to say, ‘My colleagues are wrong, and I would do it this way.’ But the greatest dissents do become court opinions and gradually, over time, their views become the dominant view. So that’s the dissenter's hope, that they are writing, not for today, but for tomorrow”.
Here’s to a more nuanced embrace of contradictions, juxtapositions, and opposites. Let not “the other side” take away anything, but rather help amplify and strengthen your true purpose and talents.
Have a great week!
What I’m Reading, Watching, and Listening to This Week:
Brené Brown's Podcast (You can click here or play below). In this episode, she simply talks about what is going on in her mind right now. And as she says: "It's a messy place". I think many of you will relate to much of her feelings and thoughts expressed here.
In this post, one that Brené references in the podcast, there are introductions to things like ambiguous loss, as well as the importance of doing something. When you feel most hopeless, it is important to feel a small sense of accomplishment. Bake a cake. Make your bed. Go for a walk. Doing things, even small things makes a difference.
I love this TED talk, and also its shorter version here. Nora McInerny talks about grief. It’s a beautifully told story about the tragic loss she experienced and speaks to the fact that after loss, we never can “move on,” but we do move forward. Our experiences, good and bad, shape us. We cannot exist without our darkest moments. It’s a perfect reminder of the point I am trying to make in this newsletter. It's also both beautiful, funny, and so well told.
This is a great short post by Angela Duckworth whom I admire. Her work is about GRIT and the pursuit of better achievement. In this short post, she “contrasts” achievement and relationship — why they both matter, why you don’t pick one over the other, and how ultimately, you have to balance your priorities to make room for both.
