The Awesome Power of Words
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THE AWESOME POWER OF WORDS
This week, I needed a pick-me-up. I needed to focus my mind on something that truly gave me energy. I don't know why, exactly. I suppose between a busy few weeks of work and all the politics in the ether before, during, and after the mid-term elections here, I’ve been a bit blue. Let's just say that our deliberations around who is best suited to lead us (to a place where no one wants to go) aren't that inspiring!
Oh well. I shouldn't be a cynic. I am really not. But even I can occasionally fall into feeling like one. So that's why I needed to dig deeper.
It's also Thanksgiving in some parts of the world coming up this week. So I felt I really needed to turn things around because Thanksgiving is such a great holiday and a powerful idea. We spend time with people we love and celebrate one thing only. The notion of gratitude. It tastes better than Turkey and is an attitude in life that like the gravy seems like a small thing but makes all the difference.
In times like these, I find solace in beautiful things. Lucky me. And lucky us. There are so many excellent writers, thinkers, and artists that can frame our feelings in helpful ways. Podcasts, interviews, articles, movies and shows, works of art, and, of course, books. As I have written about many times, the curation of our habits is perhaps our most important job. We are what we repeatedly do. Inputs really dictate outputs. And there are, in my mind, three domains that affect us more than anything. In fact, my three core beliefs (ones that are framed in our kitchen, nonetheless) state:
We are who we are with
We are what we eat eats
We are what we believe
The first domain, what is referred to commonly as ‘social contagion’, is the simple realization that we aren't that much different than the average of the 5-10 people we spend most of our time with. This is both obvious as well as scientifically settled. So, if we want to be happier, spend more time with happy people. If you want to laugh more, spend more time with funny people. You get it.
The second domain is equally obvious. Sadly, we have yet to realize the power of food as medicine. The underlying health in our population is catastrophically poor. I spend a lot of my time trying to help companies help customers eat better and transition to healthier lifestyles. We can debate (and we do) exactly what to eat, but at a metalevel, we simply should eat real and whole foods, not too much, and mostly from plants (to paraphrase Michael Pollan). And really important is to be aware of what that food itself ate. In the case of produce, where was it grown and how was it 'fed'? If you want to eat meat, eat meat that was fed grass and certainly not subjected to any hormones or antibiotics. Or, if you eat fish, eat smaller fish that once swam in natural waters rather than farmed and fed weird and unnatural diets.
The last domain is what gets into our minds—what we end up believing in. We, humans, have to believe in something. And what we believe in often leads us to who we belong to. Obviously, the people we spend time with shape what we believe as well. But also what we read, watch, and listen to—our information diet.
I find incredible joy in reading and listening to people who can remind me of the best aspects of being human. And for this post, I wanted to share a few things I have read lately that rocked my soul. They lifted my spirits and that made me just be grateful for being alive. I hope you feel the same after reading these short pieces.
The first piece is from Nick Cave. Nick is an Australian musician and writes an unbelievable post called Red Hand Files where he answers questions from his audience. He has been through a lot, including the loss of two of his sons. I find his patience, tolerance, and way with words to inspire me almost every time. This is what he answered to someone who asked whether he was ok with the idea that one of his fans was, in reality, someone he might find to be despicable. Listen to the love and humanity of his response. What if this was how we approached disagreements broadly?
“Dear Justin,
I have racked my brains to think of someone who is undeserving of my music, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t bring anyone to mind. Perhaps I’ve just grown old and fuzzy and can no longer summon that flaming energy of outrage I remember from my youth. These days I’m not sure what position I can rightfully occupy where I can make those kinds of judgements.
I guess, in general, I don’t find people despicable or deserving of hatred and contempt because, as far as I can see, people suffer, and it is suffering that is the underlying cause for much of the wrongdoing in the world. Suffering lies beneath our most destructive behaviour. This is why music is important. Music at its very essence is a force for good. It has an inherent moral magnitude. At its core music has the capacity to improve matters, to reform the condition of the heart by appealing to the better angels of our nature. This is its rightful and sacred duty. Music makes us do better. Be better. It helps release us from our suffering and points us toward the good.
Love, Nick”
The second example is also from Nick who responded to a question from Madeleine, who is losing her twin brother. She was very understandably trying to cope and wanted to know how to live with her anger, pain, and sorrow. “Will it get better?” she asked Nick. Here is what I found to be the most beautiful part of Nick's answer using the experience of one of his own sons who lost his brother.
“It seems to me that our existence itself is kept aloft on an infinity of absences. All our lives are lived on the boundless tide of sorrow of those who have passed before. We lurch around the world in all our desperate and splendid humanity and, whether we realise it or not, our lived condition is forever saying “Whatever happens now is for them.” This is how we honour humanity itself, as the living testimony of those no longer with us. We who remain, continue.
You will miss your brother, Madeline, maybe more than you can imagine. You may rail against the world and the terrible unfairness of it all, but I don’t believe your common bond ends with his passing. Your bond with your brother is cosmic and eternal. That anger must become a compelling and motivating force that carries you always forward because the alternative is its own special hell. Turned inward that anger can consume you.
Love, Nick”
This, of course, hit me to my bones. Having lost my own sister, I can so much relate. But I am sure we all can in some way. Every human being experience loss, sooner or later. Some more than others. And ultimately, we all lose it all. It's just life. It's a slow gradual process of accepting both what we gain and what we lose. His line that "our existence itself is kept aloft on an infinity of absences" is so incredibly and beautifully stated.
In our culture, perhaps it is true that we often obsess over what we lose more than we are grateful for what we have. I thought this was such a wonderful reminder that while loss hurts, and can be unbearably painful, it often also is the darkness against which light becomes so much more appreciated.
Now, for some words from the Pope. Or, at least that's who the post I found attributed it to. After some research, I believe this was actually written by the poet Fernando Pessoa...but one can never know for sure. Oh well. Here it goes:
“You can have flaws, be anxious, and even be angry, but do not forget that your life is the greatest enterprise in the world. Only you can stop it from going bust. Many appreciate you, admire you and love you. Remember that to be happy is not to have a sky without a storm, a road without accidents, work without fatigue, relationships without disappointments.
To be happy is to find strength in forgiveness, hope in battles, security in the stage of fear, love in discord. It is not only to enjoy the smile, but also to reflect on the sadness. It is not only to celebrate the successes, but to learn lessons from the failures. It is not only to feel happy with the applause, but to be happy in anonymity. Being happy is not a fatality of destiny, but an achievement for those who can travel within themselves. To be happy is to stop feeling like a victim and become your destiny’s author. It is to cross deserts, yet to be able to find an oasis in the depths of our soul.
It is to thank God for every morning, for the miracle of life. Being happy is not being afraid of your own feelings. It’s to be able to talk about you. It is having the courage to hear a “no”. It is confidence in the face of criticism, even when unjustified. It is to kiss your children, pamper your parents, to live poetic moments with friends, even when they hurt us.
To be happy is to let live the creature that lives in each of us, free, joyful and simple. It is to have maturity to be able to say: “I made mistakes”. It is to have the courage to say “I am sorry”. It is to have the sensitivity to say, “I need you”. It is to have the ability to say “I love you”.
May your life become a garden of opportunities for happiness … That in spring may it be a lover of joy. In winter a lover of wisdom. And when you make a mistake, start all over again. For only then will you be in love with life. You will find that to be happy is not to have a perfect life. But use the tears to irrigate tolerance. Use your losses to train patience. Use your mistakes to sculpture serenity. Use pain to plaster pleasure. Use obstacles to open windows of intelligence. Never give up …. Never give up on people who love you. Never give up on happiness, for life is an incredible show.”
I hope these words moved you. They certainly helped me this week. As with every week, I do my best to I find something that fills my jar with goodwill and positive sentiments (thank you Eric!). If you find that what you are reading, or who you are talking to or listening to, makes you depressed or unhappy, perhaps that's a signal and note to self. Turn it off. Read something different. Talk to someone else. After all, if we are not curators of our own information, then who is?
Have a wonderful week. And please, send me something that inspired you. We can share and spread the good words!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Mats
