Lost and Found
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LOST AND FOUND
After last week's post, some of you asked me how I stay optimistic in a world saturated with negative headlines. I am not sure I do was my answer. Meaning, I certainly don't always feel optimistic. It would be unnatural and inhuman of me. What I wrote about last week (and many other weeks), rather, is what I try to do to find optimism. How do you structure your habits such that you maximize the chance of uncovering optimism?
Most feelings in our life are actually the effect of what we do. Choices we make, habits we instill. Love the feeling comes from love the verb. If we don't actively love someone, we won't experience much love back. The same is true of almost anything else. If we don't inject optimism into projects and processes, they most likely won't have a good outcome.
Here is a wonderful story that BONO shared in his new book about the value of finding what's good.
“When Bobby Kennedy was appointed attorney general, the civil-rights community was deeply suspicious of him. Martin Luther King Jr. hosted a meeting where the other leaders trashed Kennedy as an Irish redneck who would set back civil rights. King slammed his hand on the table and asked, “Does anyone here have anything positive to say about our new attorney general?” No, that’s the point, the others said; there’s nothing good about his record. King responded, “I’m releasing you into the world to find one positive thing to say about Bobby Kennedy, because that one positive thing will be the door through which our movement will have to pass.” They found that RFK was close to his bishop—and through that door they converted him into a great champion for civil rights.”
he task at hand— locating optimism in an uncertain world—is more about attitude than aptitude. And it is about having the discipline to shape your habits such that you keep looking for what is good rather than confirming what is bad. This involves being a curator of what you read, who you spend time with, and what you do. Obviously, as any living soul knows, this is easier said than done. Human gravity tends to pull us towards problems and challenges regardless of our preference against them.
This week, I listened to a great conversation that inspired me. Andrew Sullivan interviewed Kathryn Schulz about her book, Lost and Found. If you feel like experiencing an example of the KIND of conversation we need more of, I highly recommend taking a walk and clicking on the link below.
Her book has three chapters: “Lost”, “Found”, “AND”. It's a powerful and personal story about losing her father and finding her love. And the “AND” between them. Life is very much about AND. But we tend to get stuck on the either or the or.
We are very rational creatures. We'd like to make sense of things. I know this well since I desperately do. I mean, who would name their company BECAUSE and their newsletter In Pursuit of Elevation if that same person didn't have a deep desire to find the answers to life's bigger questions?
Kathryn says this in the interview (roughly as heard by me): "People want the world to be causal. Because causal gives us a sense that we can intervene. But very often things are not connected. They just have a relationship because they happened at the same time. This is the fundamental texture of grown-up life. But it is seldom considered and not entirely comfortable."
Just as powerfully, Andrew inserted: History is a bunch of ands. There is no system predicting stuff. Human life is not programmatic. It’s dramatic. Every move on the billiard table opens up a million other possible moves.
We live in the land of AND. Things are not connected just because we want them to be. People can fit in more than one box, ones that seemingly contradict one another, even if we don’t want them to. People can be red and blue. People can have one opinion without having another. People can act bad and still be good. They can also be generally good and sometimes act bad. I know because I am one of them. And I know so are most of you.
This is the kind of human truth we have to uncover, amplify and practice today more than ever. We act as if one road leads to suffering and the other to paradise. It's just not that simple. Most of us pass through both experiences during the course of a lifetime. By recognizing that fact, we can perhaps all become a little more humble and show a little more vulnerability, love, and kindness to one another.
Here is the wonderful discussion between Andrew Sullivan and Kathryn Schulz.
Here is the David Brooks article in the Atlantic about Bono and his upcoming book. I found them both inspiring and optimistic.
Finally, here is what the Dalai Lama said in his 1989 Nobel Peace Prize lecture. If you want to read the entire piece, you can do so here. Something to try to live up to, indeed. (I first saw these beautiful lines in Dr. Dean Ornish's great book, Love and Survival, 1999).
Have a great week.
“I speak not with a feeling of anger or hatred towards those who are responsible for the immense suffering of our people and the destruction of our land, homes and culture. They, too, are human beings who struggle to find happiness and deserve our compassion. I speak to inform you of the sad situation in my country today and of the aspirations of my people, because in our struggle for freedom, truth is the only weapon we possess.
The realization that we are all basically the same human beings, who seek happiness and try to avoid suffering, is very helpful in developing a sense of brotherhood and sisterhood - a warm feeling of love and compassion for others. This, in turn, is essential if we are to survive in this ever-shrinking world we live in. For if we each selfishly pursue only what we believe to be in our own interest, without caring about the needs of others, we may end up harming not only others but also ourselves.
Peace for example, starts within each one of us. When we have inner peace, we can be at peace with those around us. When our community is in a state of peace, it can share that peace with neighboring communities and so on. When we feel love and kindness towards others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.”
