I Don’t Know
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I don't know
This week, I am actually at a loss for words. I truly am.
I am desperately trying to make sense of our world. That is the mindset I try to be in. In fact, I normally enjoy that state of problem-solving and curiosity in the face of conflict or uncertainty. I like questions and I love looking for answers. Perhaps not answers that "solve" the big questions, but rather hints, nudges, and ideas that give me the fuel to keep asking new questions. Much like health, learning is asymptotic. You are never done. It's a constant process. The more you learn, the more you realize you have more to go. And at least for me, as long as I keep learning and evolving, I feel alive, happy, and full of energy.
But as I indicated last week, the situation in Ukraine has hit me hard. What is there to understand here. Really. It's just wrong. It's awful. And I have no idea how this ends. At least, not in a good way. And I don't like it. And it’s put me in a state of mind ripe with anxiety and unease, as I’m sure is the case with many of you.
Obviously, as I also stated last week, we should do everything we can to support our Ukrainian friends. And there are many ways. All of them matter. Below, I have listed a few of my favorite ones if you need ideas. If you have found other ways, please let me know.
I also, as often as I can, try to find the good in the midst of the bad. And in this case that is also very challenging. But so far, there are two emerging silver linings of this awful atrocity. I hope there will be more.
First, I am hopeful that our liberal democracies can realize that our infighting and overblown arguments are small, quite meaningless, and a dangerous distraction towards defending and protecting the free world. The problems OUTSIDE our borders are much greater than the problems INSIDE. But we don't seem to behave that way.
So, let's hope this is the wake-up call we need to get back to a more civil, open-minded, and kinder dialogue where compromises are made, and progress is delivered. The toxicity and fragility of our own democratic institutions have effectively opened the door for really evil forces to enter. That is on us. So it’s about time we lowered our anger and frustrations with each other and demonstrated a more unified front that can slam the door shut to autocracies and depressors of freedom.
Second, the daily examples of courage and selflessness exhibited by the Ukrainian people and many thousands of people around the world doing amazing things to save lives and get people into safety remind me that there is more good in the world than there is bad.
When I feel empty and don’t know where to turn, I remind myself of the Stoics (which was my own new year's resolution). So, I headed over to my favorite Stoic promoter, Ryan Holiday. He posted a video with how the Stoics dealt with anxiety. I found it to be quite helpful. Even, or perhaps particularly, in the face of really big challenges. The "hint" is in the title. It says "dealt" for a reason. All of us have anxiety. And times like these, perhaps more so. The question is NOT whether or not we have it, it's how we deal with it. Naming it and framing it is often the start of taming it.
The 10 ways the Stoics talks about reducing anxiety that Ryan mentioned are:
Focus on the little things - there are no small things. Do what is right in front of you.
Practice Gratitude - don't waste the gift we have been given. Now is the only time we are alive, so let's make the most of it.
Have no opinion - we don't have to have an opinion about everything. Just let it sit there.
Stop caring what other people think - care about what YOU do and say. Let the rest take care of itself.
Process your emotions - don't put feelings on your emotional credit card as they will show up later with interest.
Don't suffer imagined troubles - most of them never happen. We suffer more in imagination than in reality.
Choose not to be harmed - no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. (E. Roosevelt)
Go for a walk - it helps you think more freely as it gives your mind a rest.
Keep a journal - the best way to start journaling is now.
Grab the right handle - there are always 2 ways to look at any situation. Grab the handle that makes you stronger, not the one that makes you a victim
Here are a few things from last week I found worth reading, as well as some ways to help that are different than the better-known paths.
Thomas Friedman's column was well-summarized and was a difficult read. Mainly because it seems both right and scary at the same time. David Brooks wrote with a more psychological lens explaining what we are dealing with which resonated with me.
Bret Stephens's article had a very powerful insight. He said: "If a lesson of the past 20 years is that we cannot fight for the freedom of those who won’t fight for it themselves, the lesson of Ukraine is that we can at least give those who will fight the tools so they can finish the job."
This podcast interview by Sam Harris with Gary Kasparov was helpful and credible. Gary knows full well what we are dealing with here and understands both the dark and bright side of the Soviet forces that we are dealing with now.
One of you shared this beautiful (Thank you, Susan) Thich Nhat Hanh video called My Two Hands. It's a great reminder that we all have different roles, and sometimes even opposite ones, but we need each other to work together.
And in terms of helping Ukraine, here are some of my favorite organizations to that are helping immediately and effectively:
Big fan and supporter of RMHC. You can give to children that are in need here.
World Central Kitchen and the work of Jose Andres in these crises is so inspiring and essential. You can support their work here
AirBnB is a very effective way to help people with housing.
How The Stoics Dealt With Anxiety
With hopes that next week brings some positive news on all fronts!
