Time - How Good People Make Bad Decisions

“Where there is no vision, there you find short-termism, for then there is no reason to compromise today for an unknown tomorrow.
”

— CHARLES HANDY

Friends!

I am still marinating and reflecting on what I brought up last week: morality, the common good, the public square, and all the things that bring us together. Or, at least ought to bring us together.

So, why do our conversations seem more divisive, stuck, and polarized than ever before?

I have always subscribed to the theory that none of the problems we face are greater than the ingenuity, creativity, and resilience of the human spirit. Or, as Bill Clinton said in his 1993 inaugural address: “There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.” But, right now, it certainly feels that America is more divided and further away from what once made this great nation both possible and thriving. Having said that, I remain optimistic that we will soon find and amplify what unites us more than what sets us apart.

So, what are the underlying currents pushing this division?

This week, I will focus on TIME. I believe that if we examine our relationship with time, we can find answers to most questions of justice, morality, equality, and happiness. One of my favorite sayings defines our current paradox: WE LIVE IN A SHORT-TERM WORLD WITH LONG-TERM PROBLEMS

Of course, our world is full of contradictions. It is an essential tension in life. We require instant gratification. All of the things we desire, we want immediately. Nevertheless, we know that the things that create lasting happiness, deep joy, and make our lives more meaningful are the very same things that take years, decades, and a lifetime to shape. Relationships are no different. We don’t treat relationships in a transactional manner (or at least, we shouldn’t.) Nor our children. Every parent experiences temporary setbacks with their children, but we don’t “give up on them.” We maintain our vision for the future. Our homes are another common long-term investment. Generally, we try to leave them better than we found them: we take good care of them, we make them our own, and we fix what is broken.

Kierkegaard reminded us that while life can only be lived going forward, life is understood going backward. I think we all would be happier if we began working towards a solution with the end in mind. How do we want our lives to be understood when looking back? When I was younger, I participated in a very important exercise which involved writing the epitaph that would appear on our tombstone. I think it should be a mandatory exercise for humans, guided by wise elders on your side. I found it both difficult and very rewarding -- and perhaps one of the more illuminating tasks I have ever done. It helped me focus on the things I truly wanted, and thereby made it easier to say “no” to the things that were merely “nice but not necessary.”

So, how about my epitaph?

Well, I must confess: I cheated. A little. When looking for inspiration, I found an incredible poem by Ralph Waldo Emerson, and I asked my guide if I could edit it just a tad to make it mine. I simply couldn’t write anything that resonated more deeply and profoundly with my soul. So, I ‘adopted’ his poem as a North Star for my own life. I will confess often and publicly how much I am failing living up to it. However, I know what my long-term aspiration is, and I know when I need to adjust, change, improve and try harder. As Michelangelo so beautifully reminds us: “The greatest danger in life is not that our aim is too high, and we miss it. It is that it is too low, and we reach it”. Long-term thinking enables you to set HIGHER and more aspirational goals. You don’t have to worry about living up to them immediately, but you can commit to living “in” to them. Currently, time horizons are measured in days, months, and a few short years, encouraging greed, intolerance, and myopia. What would happen if we dared to think bigger? Ask any successful athlete and they will tell you to “trust the process.” It’s not about the next tackle, base hit, birdie putt, or three-point shot. Success is rooted in dedication to an idea rather than merely an outcome, a process more than a product.

So here is Ralph Waldo Emerson and the poem that for almost 30 years has been a source of inspiration to a life well lived.

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate the beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch Or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. ”

— RALPH WALDO EMERSON POEM ON WHAT IS SUCCESS?

As I know many readers of this blog are in the midst of celebrating the Jewish New Year (L’Shana Tova to you), it seems even more relevant to reflect on this time as a season of new beginnings. As a sentimental being, I have always liked the celebration of the New Year -- more as a concept than as a party. It’s liberating to envision the future with your fresh calendar before you, its blank pages symbolizing new opportunities. For a brief moment, you are afforded the opportunity to restart, reset, and rethink. Ultimately, our lives are the product of the many, many small decisions we make each day and their consequences. They’re also the product of some big decisions: some beyond our control, some very much in our control. Regardless of where we find ourselves today, we all have more power than we recognize to reframe the context of our life. The first step is to commit to thinking longer term. By imagining where we want to be in the end, perhaps we can use today as a new beginning. The Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland lends himself to this message, it’s such an instructive story:

Would you tell me please, which way I ought to go from here?

That depends a good deal on where you want to get to, said the Cat

I don’t much care where, said Alice

Then it doesn’t matter which way you go, said the Cat

Or, as they also say: “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.”

As you know, this newsletter is my attempt to foster and inspire a more “elevated” dialogue and conversation. I believe that conversation between people, particularly people who might have different ideas and beliefs, is the process by which we will overcome the futility of our current discourse – that is, if we start with a very long-term mindset. If our conversation at first centers around WHAT type of society we want, THEN I believe we can have a more productive and constructive dialogue around how best to get there.

How do you find stillness in your life? How do you carve out moments of reflection in the chaos of your everyday motion? Nature, music, and art are all wonderful ways of extending our time horizons, affording us an opportunity to lose ourselves in the transcendent power of the bigger picture. They help make us smaller and help us to recognize the beautiful mystery of life. When you are at the base of a mountain, swimming in a vast ocean, or losing yourself in a great symphony, you realize the vastness of the world and our proper place in it. It humbles us. At least in me, it always produces a sense of gratitude. I cannot be angry at the ocean. It’s impossible. Neither at a bird or at a piece of music.

If we somehow inspired all of us to think longer, we’d all be better off. I am absolutely certain. As parents, we do it. As educators, we typically do it – most doctors do it. However, the systems we have created have shortened the incentives and favor immediate action over long-term progress. That is true in politics, economics, education, and health care.

Life is relational. Not transactional. A just society requires truth and trust to prosper. When relationships become transactional and immediate rather than relational and long term, we erode both truth and trust in service of power. Some win the battle, but we all lose the war.

As always below are some stories that made me think and feel last week. Since this blog is about time they are VERY short and well worth your time!

Have a great week!

This is a sensationally inspiring story of selflessness, humility, commitment and humanity. It moved me.

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Many of you are curious to the Swedish Corona experience. As I have indicated here before I believe (a) the differences in approach are vastly exaggerated and (b) Sweden has been more truthful and honest in its approach which I believe has yielded and will more importantly yield long term benefits when this terrible pandemic is over. I think their approach is another example of policies designed with a longer term mindset taking into account more broader aspects of what and who to protect.

I did a huge push for Jonathan Sacks last week. But I didn’t share this short story about how to build a home together. It’s powerful and instructive. Thanks to Tracy for reminding me!