Temperance - A Lost Virtue
Picture from the Daily Stoic. Thank you to Ryan Holliday for all the inspiration. More of his gifts linked below!
Click on the image above to play the video (flip your phone to widescreen if you want image to be bigger)
Temperance - a lost virtue?
It's still day one, remember?
Over the holidays, my dear friend, Eric, did something incredibly valuable. He invited a few close friends and some of their young offspring to have a "Philosophers" evening around Stoicism. Stoicism, at its highest level, is a philosophy of personal ethics and a methodology for seeking practical wisdom in life. A key principle of the ancient Stoics was the belief that we don’t react to events; we react to our judgments about them and those judgments are up to us. Unlike much of philosophy, at least as it relates to my ability to fully comprehend it, I find Stoicism more practical, more approachable, and ultimately, more actionable.
In typical Eric fashion, he executed flawlessly. He created a group chat long before and sent daily inspiration around Stoic philosophers, virtues, and ideas. That created both group engagement, excitement, and expectations. He handed out 'homework' where all participants had to come prepared to talk about one of the key Stoic Philosophers and then also explain one core idea central to the Stoics. Ideas like Memento Mori, Amor Fati, Sympatheia, Premedatio Malorum, and Summum Bonum—just to mention a few. I will very likely return many times to some of these ideas, since I believe Stoicism has so much to offer all of us at this juncture in our human evolution.
It was a sensational evening. All with delicious food, good wine, and intense intergenerational dialogue. It was one of those experiences where you'd like to "bottle up the spirit" and drink from it many times in the future. We learned, we laughed, we ate, and we evolved. We were also presented with a stack of great books, coins like the one above in the image, and even a bust of Marcus Aurelius himself sitting on top of what many people regard as one of the most important books ever written: Meditations.
In the aftermath, the thread lives on, and we keep sharing ideas and reflections. It feels like a conversation we will keep having for the rest of our lives. We are so grateful to Eric's wonderful, thoughtful, and generous initiative.
Eric gave me the virtue of Temperance. It's one of the 4 key Stoic virtues: Courage, Wisdom, Temperance, and Justice. And, as the coin says, try not to exchange them for others. That's a philosophy in and of itself.
Eric knew what he was doing. I guess this entire newsletter series could be called "In Pursuit of Temperance". I have written often about the need for less binary thinking, less extreme positioning, more moderation and kindness, and often invoked the great Swedish trait of Lagom (just the right amount).
I wish there was a Temperance Political Party. I wish our media behavior rewarded moderation, not sensation. More often, I wish my own soul found the center rather than flirting with extreme positions that just lack proper perspective. Like much of Stoicism, I know it is the right thing to do. It’s just not always easy to do it.
So, clearly, living in a tempered way requires a lot of work. Meditation helps a ton. So does surrounding yourself with unconditional love and daily healthy habits. The Stoics were also, in a holistic way, perhaps the first "functional medicine promoters" very much committed to the prevention of disease by means of physical activity, mental reflection, and spiritual commitments.
I, for one, was smitten early on by the power of purpose. I was lucky to discover that when you commit yourself to something much bigger than yourself, it helps you be less self-involved. In this way, it makes it somewhat easier to not take everything personally and run off to the extremes. Simply because it is not about you.
I listened to a great podcast with Simon Sinek and Mark Hyman recently. Simon has dedicated his work towards helping others find meaning, purpose, and "the why". They shared many fascinating stories and I will link to their conversation below. They shared three main "ideas" around purpose that I felt were highly relevant to both temperance and purpose.
First, is that we tend to look at "finding your purpose" as the result sheer luck. And, of course, in some ways it is. But in most ways, it is not. I mean, it starts with you wanting to find it. And if you want to find something, guess what? You have to look for it. So, like with most things in life, you have to begin with the end in mind.
Second, and in a Stoic sense, finding purpose and meaning is not a passive activity. It's not theoretical and only reflective. It most likely won't find you. You have to "do" things in order to find it. You have to expose yourself to different experiences, people, and ideas, and prototype new approaches in order to feel that something that grabs hold of you. If you keep doing the same things day in and day out, purpose won't just suddenly show up.
And third, and perhaps a central theme in my own work, is that purpose does NOT have to be grand or highfalutin, and it doesn’t require solving HUGE problems. I often talk about purpose with big P and small p, and in many ways, I am a big proponent of little p. When people talk about purpose beyond self, we often end up in Big P Land, like climate change, politics, health care, wars, etc. And of course, those are hugely important topics. But I see two problems with purpose discussions that are exclusively centered around big problems.
First, they make us feel too distant and too small. They don't inspire most people to take action, simply because most of as can't really impact them. These visions of purpose are too far removed, too large, and in relation to our own actions, they seem out of reach.
Second, they also risk serving as a barrier for some to take action on what we actually can affect. There’s a saying that resonates with me deeply: “Don't let what you can't do stand in the way of what you can do." Being kind to our neighbors, helping our local community, building businesses that help people succeed or customers thrive, or serving food that is healthier for both employees and customers are all worthy efforts and will contribute to a better world.
Big P solutions are just the sum of millions of small p actions.
In the podcast, Mark also quoted Rick Warren, who used to say: “Listen, I’m not right wing or left wing. I’m for the whole bird, otherwise, you fly in circles.”
I will end with that quote on temperance since it pretty much sums it up. Temperance as a virtue that needs to be upgraded, reawakened, and reactivated. For all of us. I will for sure try to do my part.
Here are a few things if you feel like digging in — there’s been some good stuff this week:
The podcast with Mark and Simon. It's really good. Love them both.
My wife Jessica launched her new website, which is aptly called The Lagom Method. Lots of goodies in there for those seeking inspiration to live a healthier life. Very excited and inspired by her work (and, of course, by her entire being!).
Two originally conservative writers (David Brooks and Bret Stephens) had a discussion that is worth reading. While they mainly focused on what has happened with GOP and the Republican party, I believe it offers a very balanced and "moderate" view of our political landscape that is worth reading and is relevant to almost any political view.
In the category of just human uplifting speeches, I did enjoy Jennifer Coolidge's (of HBO’s The White Lotus) Golden Globe Award Speech. Perhaps a bit long, but wait for the ending. The human story of resilience, second chances, and the overcoming of odds is always fuel for inspiration. She did a wonderful job here, I found.
Have a great week!
