Gratitude is an Attitude
Friends!
This week, the topic was easy. At least, in theory.
Thanksgiving is my favorite American holiday. I think many of you would agree. It's a weekend in our lives where our collective energies are focused on the same idea. An idea that is timeless, universal, and, perhaps in this pandemic, more important than ever before: gratitude. Most other holidays have different goals, different rituals, and different objectives. And we all have varying degrees of commitment to them. This broad, shared sense of purpose is what makes Thanksgiving so special. We all long to belong, and during Thanksgiving, I think we all feel we do.
The biohackers, nerdier-leaning, and intellectually curious folks out there know that there is plenty of research available relative to gratitude. Scientists have demonstrated that the deliberate practice of gratitude triggers the release of dopamine and serotonin and positively impacts the human brain and physiology. You can watch this short video as one of many examples of how this works.
Personally, I don't need science to understand the power of gratitude. I just need to connect with my own feelings. Whenever I find happiness, I am grateful, and whenever I am grateful, I find more happiness. However, I also see gratitude as more of a verb and happiness as more of an adjective. Meaning, I can practice gratitude, but I can't really practice happiness. Happiness is the output. Gratitude is the input (to borrow from last week's blog).
Like many topics I have brought up in this newsletter series, it comes down to habits and our willingness to put in the work. Not talk about it. And certainly not ONLY do it one weekend in November. The world is hurting right now. Gratitude could act as a vaccine to an epidemic of depression, loneliness, and suffering all around. It's the medicine that we all have in our cabinets. We don't have to wait for FDA approval. We can just take it daily – with every meal.
Indeed, success and happiness are somewhat counterintuitive phenomena. Victor Frankl taught us that happiness is something that "ensues" rather than something we can directly pursue. The more we want of something, the less we get of it. But the more we give of something, the more we get. Life is indeed for-giving. Not for-getting.
I try to count my blessings often. I am not that good at it. I am generally impatient and have more immediate access to areas of opportunities than areas of celebration. I have been given that feedback plenty. But, I am learning. And I am trying. Here is what has worked for me:
Breathing - Whether we call it meditation or simply mindful breathing, it does work wonders. Deep inhales (through your nose) and long exhales (mouth preferably, but nose works, too) for a few minutes every day is a beautiful practice. For those who have problems falling asleep, try it before bedtime. It slows our system down, and it lowers our guard and opens up our hearts. It makes us more humble, and therefore, more ready to embrace the attitude of gratitude.
Rituals - Habits must find their rhythm. They won't happen automatically. And they won't happen by themselves. Commit to something. In my house, we try to wake up every morning with an expression of love to each other and some level of positive intention. Same when we go to bed. Lighting candles every Friday night with a similar intention attached to it makes a strong impact. Particularly if you do it weekly. It's like compounding interest. It grows exponentially over time. Jessica and I have done it for some 35 years which makes it 1,820 "deposits" in our "gratitude bank account". Others write gratitude journals daily. I think you can find your own way of doing it, as long as you commit to something daily or weekly. Practice makes perfect. We are what we repeatedly do.
Connections - Gratitude is mainly about relationships to other people. So, expressing your gratitude often to the people you care about most is powerful. Also, reaching out to people who might not be aware of how much they have influenced you is also something you will appreciate in a deep sense. And they will, too.
Our lives and our destiny are very much a function of how we react to what happens to us. In that instant between stimuli and response, there is a pause (which I have written about before here). And in the midst of that pause, we can decide with what attitude we are going to approach the problem we are facing. And I firmly believe, if we all could approach life with more GRATITUDE and a bit less ATTITUDE, then I think the world would be a more human, more loving, and more wonderful place.
Somehow, for reasons we should discuss more, we have created a culture that is more incentivized and eager to look for what is wrong, rather than what is right. What if we shared the best of the world vs the worst? What if we celebrated "good" actions more than bad? What would happen? Would you prefer living in that culture? I know I would.
So, what are we waiting for? Let's create it. Together.
Here are some sources of inspiration on Gratitude and Attitude:
This NBC clip on the day before Thanksgiving moved me. Orion Jean, particularly. What a great message from NBC. THANK YOU.
Pope Francis wrote beautifully on Thanksgiving about gratitude in the NYT. I found this passage incredibly moving.
Steven Parks at one of TEDxChicago's recent virtual salons. Very powerful talk about mindset. You can find more of their new virtual salons here
A good Medium post by Marc Erlbaum on Gratitude or Attitude
A short TED talk from Spiritual Leader JayaShri Maathaa on the power of THANK YOU
Thank you and lots of love and best wishes to you and your loved ones!
