Emotional Extremes

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Emotional Extremes

This past week, I traveled as far emotionally as I have ever traveled. At least, in such a short period of time. In the midst of trying to understand and reconcile the fear, sadness, and sheer horror I felt in the face of current events (what I wrote last week), I also celebrated a wonderful wedding in Arizona with some of our closest friends. It was a much-welcomed distraction, and in some unexpected way, it helped motivate us to celebrate LOVE in the most significant way possible. 

Right from there, Jessica and I were whisked away by our children for a short but wonderful time together to celebrate my upcoming 60th birthday. Months ago, they had asked me what I most wanted and I had told them that I wanted just to be with them (no grandkids this time) in a beautiful setting, enjoying time together. Bonus points for some great food and good music! They clearly over-delivered. It was delicious – in every sense.

Of course, during both these magical celebrations, it was still impossible to resist entering discussions about the current state of the world. And beyond wars and global instability, life didn't hold back and some new health challenges in our extended families added to our concerns and worries. 

So, how do we best deal with these emotional extremes? Life can swing its pendulum quickly. And brutally. At some level, it is the essence of life, isn't it? Sunshine and rain. Light and darkness. Birth and death. Crying and laughing. Hope and fear. 

We often dream of a life without problems and challenges. But not only is that not possible, but that reality wouldn't be all that enviable. As I have written many times before, we all have a terminal illness. It's called life. None of us come out of this life alive. Everything must come to an end, or at the very least, change. That alone is a helpful frame. It puts valuable pressure on us to make the most of the time we have. But in the rhythms of life, we also find strength in the juxtapositions and contrasts of our emotions. I mean, how good is a meal when you are really hungry? Or how comforting isn't a warm embrace by someone you love when you feel sad or anxious? Or how sweet isn't the feeling of winning when you might have been losing or when you came back from a challenge or overcame tough odds? 

Life is very much a dance on the continuum between extremes. When we are at our luckiest or unluckiest, we can stay at one end for hours, days, months, and even years. But more often, we get thrown between them and have to face enormous challenges while at the same time paying frequent visits to the other side for life's many beautiful moments. And the lesson here for us all is that we cannot be consumed when emotional extremes take hold.

As unrealistic as it is to always be on a high, we cannot allow the lows to distort our view of the world. It’s all too easy for difficult times to bring out our worst fears; before long, we see enemies everywhere. And that is what much of today's evil forces are trying to do. Sowing seeds of distrust, anger, and fear, ultimately pitting us at odds with each other.  We shouldn't let that happen. 

It is in these moments that we have to find strength in the midst of weakness. While managing extremely difficult emotions and realities, we must also enjoy the most of every minute of joy, should it graciously pay us a visit. 

I think art deals with these extremes the best. In music, it is the silence between the notes that makes it so special. And in a great movie, documentary, or drama, we are brought along for journeys across emotional landscapes that in totality resonate deeply with our human experience. Which, of course, is why our culture is so affected by them. 

I am not offering this to justify, excuse, or even try to explain the atrocious attacks that happened last week in Israel, nor to accept or condone some of the hurtful and inexplicable moral blindness displayed by institutions that I, quite frankly, expected more of. We have a lot of work to do. However, I am saying this because I was reminded this week of how important it is, precisely in a time of challenges, to find strength in what is good all around us. And the more I look for goodness, even in the darkest moments, the more I find it. We shall never forget that. 

Since I noticed last week that so many of you did watch and read the many links I provided, I thought I'd add a few this week that are relevant to what I am trying to convey. 

First, let me begin with the media. This war has revealed how incredibly biased most of our media and academic institutions are. Bari Weiss's piece "when misinformation comes from inside the house" speaks about it well. It's inconceivable to me that so many global media outlets publish stories fed by terrorists. And believing them. This causes a lot of harm. And their lack of corrections and remorse is as deafening as their original headlines. The societal tensions from this war are exacerbated by moral weakness in our institutions. And what is both incredibly hurtful and disappointing while at the same time somewhat helpful is that the moral confusion here in the West is more visible than in the Middle East. Many Arab nations have condemned the attacks while media outlets and academic institutions still won't. Wanting Palestinian freedom, peace and prosperity is something most people want. I certainly do. Criticizing Israel for its leadership and political challenges is as fair game as it is criticizing our own. But placing your support and belief that terrorists will provide the path to freedom and prosperity you would like to see is morally bankrupt. You don't have to believe me. I can share many credible sources that will confirm this. You can watch this interview with the son of a Hamas founder and hear what he has to say. 

Ezekiel Emanuel wrote an insightful article in NYT about the moral deficiencies in our liberal education. More ethics classes are clearly needed to help our future leaders avoid moral blindness. 

My friend Daniel Lubetzky posted this Instagram reel on the importance of not becoming weapons of mass destruction ourselves by fueling the flames of hate in the wake of our own anger. It's easy to do. But we must all rise to the occasion. 

The Global Imams Council issued a statement in support of Israel and denouncing the terrorist attacks. 

Many friends have reached out and asked how we are. I truly appreciate your concern. For those who wonder how it feels I will share this article by Ilan Benjamin who so accurately shares why this is the hardest thing many younger Jews have been through. He states it so well: "When you killed my family, I forgave you. When you killed my people, I forgave you. But when you killed my idealism, I had no forgiveness left".  You can read the article here. 

But I want to end on a tone of hope and what we all need to do. And I can't think of anything better than Arnold Schwarzenegger's powerful video that he posted earlier this year. You can watch it below. Talk about premonition. While the video starts with antisemitism it is really a call for hope over hate and is grounded in the biggest war we all face. The war against ourselves. Most people walk the path of least resistance. It’s easy. But standing up against hate and sometimes abandoning friends and views held by people around you requires enormous strength. We need that today more than ever. I rewatched Arnold’s talk this week and it felt like something I really needed to hear. Again and again. Please share as broadly as you can. 

Let's hope for a week where more of humanity finds a path to more love and less hate!