Behaviors and Beliefs

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­­­Behaviors and Beliefs­­­­­­

This week I am thinking about the space between what we say and what we do. I fear that media, in general, and social media, in particular, has widened the distance between words and actions, between beliefs and behaviors, to such a degree that most reasonable people are concerned, exhausted, and worried about how we will ever find the middle ground again.

Words have meaning. Of course, they do. So do beliefs. But what about behaviors? Are behaviors not what ultimately matters most? I don't know about you, but I never get that offended about what someone says unless I fear that they might organize those words into serious action.

So what is the relationship between behaviors and beliefs?

Do we believe first and act second? Or do we start acting and then our experience shape our beliefs? Or both?

As readers of these musings know well, I worry about the state of our public discourse. I sense that the expressed beliefs are growing further and further apart from reality. They are getting more and more sensationalized, radicalized, and outright dehumanizing.

But my lived experience, at least in Europe and the US where I spend most of my time, engaging with humans from all walks of life is VERY different. The way that most people actually behave isn’t consistent with the beliefs we constantly see and read about in the ether. Of course, sadly, we do see some tragic examples of horrific acts, but the proportionality is so skewed. After all, the media never reports the millions of acts of kindness that happen every minute on this planet. Media is suffering from some form of positivity deficit disorder. And, unfortunately, as we know all too well if it doesn't bleed, it doesn't lead.

So, how can we turn more of our attention to behaviors? Can we concern ourselves less with what we believe and more about how we behave? Yes, I know, behaviors are and should be the product of our beliefs, but my point here is that I think they have grown apart. We have created a culture of more and more vocal, radical, and extreme beliefs which are rewarded with likes, comments, news stories, you name it. After all, the goal is to be heard and noticed rather than to inspire new behaviors. TikTok, Instagram, FaceBook, Twitter, Snapchat, YouTube, etc are not really reality. At least, not yet. But they consume so much of our time that we are starting to blur our awareness between what is a "thought" and what is an "action".

When you are far away from other humans, it is so easy to be extreme. You don't have to look people in the eyes; you don't have to experience their reaction. Twitter is a prime example. I am still shocked about how rude and evil much of the commentary is on that platform. But when you walk into an elevator, in the neighborhoods of communities, into a restaurant, people, most often, are courteous, kind, and human.

We are living through a total decline in trust. In all institutions. And trust is that critical connective tissue that exists between what is said and what is done. Trust is vital for any community to function. It's what oil is to an engine, oxygen is to our bodies, and sunshine is to our ecosystem. We need it desperately and we are losing it fast.

As you know, I am not so afraid of any of the challenges we face. I think we have the talent and resources to solve them all. But I am concerned about our ability to discuss and debate them with civility, rationality, and reason.

Having dedicated most of my life to forms of change management, I have come to believe firmly that people are more likely to act themselves into a new way of thinking than to think themselves into a new way of acting. And in a world where we have so much change to realize in all our institutions, we need to get busy acting. Trust can be rebuilt one action at a time. We can continue yelling at each other about new versions of more and more radical beliefs OR we can start walking towards each other with concrete solutions and ideas that actually work.

The pandemic most likely exacerbated our separateness and made opinions and beliefs the currency of an isolated world. As we celebrate Independence Day here in America tomorrow, let's manifest our freedom by doing what only humans can do. Reconnect with fellow humans. Do human things. Like eating, smiling, laughing, being grateful, expressing love and kindness, and setting our sights on that more perfect union that can be ours.

Please watch Dr. Jacqui Lewis's message on Fierce Love below. What a great way to celebrate humanity this weekend!

Happy 4th!

This is a sensational video from Dr. Jacqui Lewis. She is a founding partner of Starts With Us. I have written about the movement many times. PLEASE join because change does Start With Us. Please listen to her message about fierce love. This is what humanity needs more than anything right now.