A Deficit of Trust

Friends!

I’ll be honest – I am not having the best of weeks. I am just not finding my footing, which makes me more worried and anxious than normal.  

Every day, I try as hard as I can to look for what is good. All around. And even when it seems distant, I know that by doing my work, I will find it or it will find me. I know in my heart that this is the best way to live. To never let what I can't do get in the way of what I can. 

I wrote last week about affirmation vs information. I am still thinking about how much the media landscape around us is affecting both our inner and outer geographies. And, unfortunately, it has left me with more questions than answers. And I don't like that feeling. 

So, I have one reflection this week as I am working myself back to a better place. 

Much of our public discord centers around how much we should or should not invest to rectify various forms of deficits. Whether they are economic, ecological, racial, or other forms of real or perceived injustices. One of the reasons these often feel like intractable and seemingly unsolvable conflicts between people is that it's hard to understand situations you haven't lived or experienced yourself.

However, I have learned, early and often, that arguing with someone else's experience is simply neither possible nor productive. The most human thing to do is to listen, empathize, and accept the other person's feelings of their reality. That does NOT mean we have to also accept their solutions, but I have learned that once you see it from their side the distance between people often shrinks. 

So it is obvious to me that the distance between people and the erosion of trust is our most significant type of deficit to address. The trust divide seems to have replaced all other types of divides as the true barrier to progress. 

Identity politics have pushed all of humanity, it seems, into basically two camps. If you belong to camp A, you simply cannot trust anyone in camp B.  It's sad, counterproductive, and inhuman. And its very premise is false. Most humans can be trusted. Even if you disagree with them. If you think about it, we demonstrate trust in many ways every day. We get in our cars each day entrusting that we will all stay in our lanes and keep each other safe. Trust is the fiber of every social construct we have: marriage, medicine, money, you name it. And as our trust in one another erodes, so does everything else. This rampant distrust has seeped into our interpersonal politics, affecting us at our most fundamental level.  I mean, you don't ask your bus driver, uber driver, pilot, doctor, or banker about their deep political convictions, do you? And if you knew them, would you change bus, car, doctor, or banker? Perhaps you would? I am afraid we are getting close to that point. 

Evidence of this distrust is everywhere. The image we get from media (social and otherwise) is that "the other side" is not to be trusted. This attitude runs the risk of literally tearing us apart. Most political races are catering to this current polarized context. And thereby, exacerbating it. 

But it isn't real. I have the great fortune of being involved in many different types of organizations that employs people from all walks of life across the nation. The thing is, we all get along. This widespread derision and disdain cast a poor and inaccurate image of how most people are in this nation. The vast majority of humans are good-hearted, hard-working, trustworthy, and honest people with very similar aspirations for themselves and their families. The image we are fed caters to the most extreme ends of a spectrum. For most of us, those who are in-between, it’s difficult to recognize ourselves within that image, contributing to a sense of confusion, loneliness, and ultimately, some amount of despair. 

So, what to do? 

Invest in trust. Make deposits in our trust account. Reduce the deficit by extending trust to others. Show them you trust them. And it doesn't take giant investments. Smiling to others is a good start. Showing kindness every day works, too. Old school things like courtesy, deference, civility, grace, respect, and politeness work wonders. 

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

This is a famous quote often attributed to Edmund Burke (even though it's unclear if he was, indeed, the one who said it). Regardless, the point is still really important. I prefer the Jerry Garcia version that I have used before in these newsletters:

"Somebody has to do something and it is just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us"

So, in the face of my own unpleasant flirtation with despair, this is where I land, and where I start the climb towards a more hopeful vantage point. Extending trust and believing in other people is the only way we can bridge our different experiences and create a more constructive context where solutions can be born, bred, and ultimately realized. 

I am going to radically up my own game and elevate my own energy towards every other human I encounter. An attitude of optimism and kindness is contagious. It is often met with more of the same, and at first, it might feel like platitudes and veneer to most, but it does something deeper and more meaningful. It makes people come closer to each other. And then anything is possible. 

Instead of providing things to watch or read this week, I am sending you love. And hugs. And smiles. And a big THANK YOU for being you and for reading this post to the end. Now go and tell someone else you haven't spoken to in a while that you really miss them. Or smile and show acts of kindness to every person you meet today. See if it changes your own sentiments and disposition. 

Let's go create the world we want to live in.